these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
