all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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