i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
