Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
