Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
