This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
