Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
