return my video game
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So much rum. So many feels.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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