good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
