I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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