the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
