i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
