You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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