...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your penis caused this!
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