I wish I could punch you in the face.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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