Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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