in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
