what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just had sex bonerless
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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