My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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