this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
