Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
