If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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