I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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