he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
