i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
