So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
