I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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