Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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