Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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