my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
