Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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