Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
