and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
