i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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