I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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