I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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