i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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