You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
