Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
