This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
