he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
