I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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