I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
