So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
