TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
