a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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