he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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