umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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