so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
