i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
