I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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