i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize