Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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