i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
