A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
