we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
