uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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