Your mouth is God's brothel.
I met the friendliest cop last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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