Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
pray to the hookup gods
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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