Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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