I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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