I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
