i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
