Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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