I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Welp...herpes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
